Here we go again...

You know what I hate about writing competitions and voting, is that it's easily discouraging if you get no votes. It makes you not want to participate again. So right now, with that drabble contest, there are 8 entries and you have to vote for first, second, third place. Each one of the drabbles got at least one vote, whether first second or third place... except mine. I mean, really? Not one vote out of, so far, 4 people? Was it that horrible? That bleak? I thought it was pretty neat and hopeful. *sighs* I really am not holding out hope that it will get better.

Funny thing, is that you have to say "why" you leave a competition. No, no, I'm not thinking about leaving just yet, but... it'll be on my mind the next time I do the drabbles. *shrugs*

You know, maybe I'm not a good writer. Maybe I'm not as good as I think I am and that would be pretty terrible. I've always enjoyed doing it and when I'd posted on LJ (which is the devil's playground) I usually got a fair amount of feedback. Not the insane amount garnered by bnfs, but... some. Mostly by the same people, but also from a few newbies. I've always wondered why I never got into the insane number of comments that someone else writing the same fandom, and in my opinion the same caliber of writing as mine, did. Hey, I'm the first one to laud someone if they're done well, so I don't think that's the point. I can also see when someone's writing is no better that mine, and that's what hurts the most when they get so much attention and I don't. See, I knew going back to LJ was a bad idea. I knew it. It's bringing all those hurt feelings screaming back. Shit. I don't ever learn, do I.

And what's even more funny, I wouldn't be going on this rant right now if I was winning the drabble contest. I'd be patting myself on the back thinking that I was the greatest. Instead, I'm moping and for what? I'm not going to say that the acknowledgment isn't important, because it is. I wouldn't have entered the contest if I didn't want to win it. I'm going to try not to drive myself nuts with checking the results. The deadline is Saturday. I think I can make it until then.


ETA: Ok, I'm back... I forgot something. I forgot that I was supposed to enjoy writing and I wasn't supposed to care about other's reactions. Well, of course I could care, but I wasn't supposed to let it get me down if I didn't get flowers thrown at my feet. *chuckles* OK, I'm better now. I think I'll go do some bite sized porn.



Mood: Disappointed Better